Birthday Eve Eve

Today is the day before the day before my birthday.

To make this birthday extra special - I decided to celebrate. Usually, I make elaborate plans and get sick. This year, not going to happen. It's going to be simple, fun and all about me.

I bought myself a cake (pictures and description to come). I'm also making dinner for myself: black eyed peas, greens, cornbread and lamb. I plan to go to the movies - Walk Hard, The Great Debaters or both. And I'm going to smile all day and be happy for all that I have and all that's on its way.

Birthday eve? When I am in my own living space, I clean on my birthday eve. It's so much fun (not in general, just on birthday eve). This year is no exception (particularly since I need to find some papers that are eluding me). In the evening, I'm chillin' on the couch with a patty and diet coke. Read some Bible verses, say some prayers and then tuck in for some sleep. I'll probably be asleep before midnight.

I'm sure you're saying, "WTF? Dude, you're right next to NYC!"

Here's the deal...it's been a long month. Heck, it's been a long year. I've grown up so much in the last year. To the point where I'm okay with just chillin' by myself on birthday eve and birthday. I'll get to talk to Mommy, Oma, my sisters and the NMF. I'm sure some friends will call and I'll talk to them. I'll pamper myself and start the new year refreshed and feeling loved instead of frenzied and tired from trying to make myself have fun.

Now 2009 may be a different story. I may venture into the city for my birthday eve...or I may be hanging out with my sister and the NMF...or I may book a trip to to a foreign land so that I can ring in 35 with gusto.

But that's a whole year away...for now, I look forward to welcoming 34 with the faith, love, hope, confidence, wisdom, peace and joy that will make 34 an even better one than 33.

Unintentional Comedy

Nothing is on TV tonight and I'm not in the mood to go out...so I surf and surf and what do I find? Reefer Madness.

This ish is hilarious.

I'm not sure which is more ludicrous - that the government would willingly share files with a high school principal or that the "stoners" in this movie become more energetic and lively after smoking.

Of course it's even funnier because all of these kids are about as youthful as the Ian Ziering and Gabrielle Carteris. And every character speaks in the overly proper English that was so common in movies of that era. Heck, every character is overly proper. Even the requisite slut has the good sense to put on a matching nightgown/robe before drifting off into a post coital drug induced haze.

If you haven't seen it and have nothing better to do on a wet Saturday night - pop this in the DVD player. You will not be disappointed.

Home Sweet Home

Today I went to look at some apartments and found 2 that I like.

Apartment 1
2 bedrooms + 1 bath
Walking distance to to stuff (i.e. bodegas, ethnic restaurants, Dunkin Donuts)
5 minutes from train
Underground parking included with rent plus plenty of street parking
Ethnically diverse neighborhood
Completely new appliances
Funky layout (only 4 of the 5 living spaces are liveable - the fifth room is basically a HUGE foyer)
Laundry on same floor as apartment
Aesthetically well appointed
Dark brick courtyard building (3 floors, elevator - no doorman)


Apartment 2
1/2 Block from the train
Completely new construction light brick 2 flat
3 bedrooms + 2 baths
View of Statue of Liberty and Manhattan from masterbedroom
Not close to any stuff
Up and coming neighborhood (lots of new construction, roads are being repaved, shopping area being built)
Ethnically diverse
Great layout - large living room area, large master en suite, 2 med size bedrooms
Plenty of light
Owner lives 2 doors down
On street parking

Price difference between Apt. 1 and 2 = $25/month


Apartment 2: So many unknowns...will the neighborhood really develop as planned?If so, how long will it take? Is this a place that I want to invest my time/money in for the next year? If it doesn't develop - is the space and access to the train enough to make me happy?

Apartment 1: Funky layout. Not as close to train.

So I called the realtor and told him that I would like apartment 1. I haven't signed anything yet...so I can still go either way. The realtor wants me to be sure sure before I sign.

At the end of the day, if both apartments were near stuff and 1/2 block from the train...I'd choose apartment 1...because it has got great character.

I guess that's the one that I should go with then, right?

On a completely different note...how awesome is this day?
1. I found 2 places.
2. I got Christmas presents for the NMF
3. I came home and "Talladega Nights" was on
4. In 9 minutes I'm heading to the airport so I can fly out to the NMF.

Still here

Yeah, so the sick has decided to wreck havoc. I had to leave work yesterday because of the chills and the queasiness...this morning I woke up with a raging sore throat and feeling like someone beat me with a baseball bat.

Sick sucks.

Still looking for an apartment. The realtor flaked on me Wednesday night...called and said he had nothing to show me. However, I'm going to see some places via Craigslist. Rent Direct New York costs for a 60 day subscription. A lot cheaper than a broker...but more money than I wanted to spend on the search.

Sick sucks.

On the other hand, Saturday I see the NMF. Yay NMF. They bring joy.

Home sweet home

The apartment hunting has begun. Now that I'm over sticker shock, I'm ready to dive in with both feet. I sent a note to my realtor that I wanted a Jan 1 move in date (translation - we gotta get on the ball with seeing stuff). I've also been looking on craigslist.

The thing about apartments in the NYC area - broker's fees. Fortunately, my relo package covers the fees, but if I rent through craigslist, then I have to pay the fee and then be reimbursed. Just to put it in perspective - broker's fees are usually one months rent. So in addition to the first month's rent, the 1-1.5 month's rent as security deposit there's another months rent added to the mix.

Then there's the whole "Yes, I would like to live in a safe area." and "Yes, I would like easy access to work and to New York City" and "No, I don't want to spend money on an apartment with damaged floors and a damaged tub nor do I want to spend an insane amount of money on a box."

But it will all work out for my good...

Working Girl

A moment of "oooooohhhh" and "aaaahhhh" for my 100th post.

Wow.

Cool.

But on another note, I started work today. The commute was interesting. Going there was not as long as coming back. It amazes me how lane merging confuses and confounds so many people.

Other things I learned today:

preservative is the german equivalent for prophylactic (in the specific, not general sense)...brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "does that sausage have preservatives?"

walking after lunch offsets the itis

allow more than 15 minutes cushion when it's rainy and it's your first day of work...cuz there will be more traffic than you anticipate

be thankful for the little things, the big things and all those things in between that you used to take for granted

[and this i already knew, but it was painfully confirmed]...if it ain't leather, it ain't gonna swell when my feet swell

Chillin with a patty...

So I made it...through mountainous and snowy terrain...past carcasses of several poor deer...sharing the road with quite a few large trucks.

4 fill-ups ( I don't like to ride below half a tank), 3 stops at Wendy's, 2 stops at Sbux and a fun venture to Hershey, PA...finally here in the temporary apartment.

Being the intrepid traveller that I am, I set out on an adventure to get a parking spot in the garage next to the apartment and find the grocery store. Contrary to the stereotype, people were extremely friendly and helpful with both.

Now my car is safe and warm in the garage. And my refrigerator is not completely bare (but to call it full would be an overstatement). I didn't stay long at the grocery store - cuz I was tired - but I did manage to leave with some Jamaican Meat Patties -Peppery Hot. So good. So good. The store also had calabash in the produce section, in addition to a lot of other foods in other aisles that are "seriously ethnic". It's a wonderland of different taste experiences just waiting for me.

And when I look out of my window, I can see the Manhattan skyline (the apartment is right on the river).

Just sitting here in this moment...being in this place at this time...knowing all that is before me. I feel blessed beyond belief.

On the road

The movers came and put the stuff on a truck. That was painless.

Now I am on the road...destination Jersey.

Hope all is well in your worlds.

Changes

The movers are coming tomorrow!

Fall Football

It's a gorgeous, albeit chilly, day outside. The sun is playing peek-a-boo with the clouds, the leaves are wearing the most beautiful autumnal colors and there is football on tv. Not any old football, but MLS football...more commonly known as soccer.

As I no longer have cable, I miss the soccer channel. I remember when MLS was born. I had tickets right behind Crew's bench for the inaugral season. It was doubly awesome for me because South Africa won the Africa Cup of Nations that year and their star player - Dr. Khumalo - had been recruited for the Crew.

Honestly, I've never really been in to American soccer. I take that back, when I was younger, there was another professional league and my father would take us to those games. Those were a lot of fun...mostly because Daddy outings were awesome and we lived in Texas where futbol was a large part of life.

It's not that the American players aren't good - the style comes across as somewhat boorish. There's a certain grace that I find missing in the American game. For me, it's not about all about getting the ball to the goal, there's an elegance in how the ball gets to the goal. The sublte and intricate dance between foot and ball that produces a sublime, simple clean pass or the perfectly timed, goal scoring bicycle kick.

I'm sure America will come into it's own slowly but surely. For now, I'll just keep counting down the days until the 2010 World Cup.

The Countdown...

Moving day is less than TWO WEEKS away.

I packed 90% of my stuff in July...in anticipation of this day. For the past 3 months I have been living on a skeletal amount of stuff. Today I cleaned out the closets...and will be clearing out the kitchen later this afternoon.

Right now, I am excited and anxious at the same time. I am also sure that there's some underlying stress in the mix too. But that's all a part of growing and changing, isn't it?

Gangsta Love

Since I no longer have cable, I watch network TV...not so much watch as have on for background noise while I do something else.

This week the remote landed on Pushing Daisies. Turns out it's the kind of quirk that I like.

The story involved a Col-A-Dor-Russel-A-Poo (a super pup combination of a border collie, labrador retriever, jack russell, and poodle.) named Bubblegum. IMHO, it's not really an attractive dog...kind of like a big long haired spotted weird looking jack russell. But it is supposed to be the perfect combination of temperament, energy and intelligence.

To add to the absurdity of the Col-A-Dor-Russel-A-Poo, the randomness of the following quotes:

Some women love like gangstas...they say "Oh honey, you bleedin?" while hidin the razor blade in their weave.

I suppose I could pay my bills with blind kids' smiles, but their money is a lot easier.

It was just a kiss and I don't think our saliva was compatible, so there's no need to make anything that wasn't awkward, awkward.

Would you prop him up? He look like a wino on New Year's.

For the dogless...

Until the real thing comes through, feel free to play with my puppy. She likes it when you feed her treats or pet her.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Chronicles of the NMF

For your entertainment, a few stories from the life of the NMFs.

Dessert First:
Yesterday, NMF #1 asked her mother if she could eat her dessert first. Her mother, being a card carrying member of the Mother's Union, responded as one would expect most union members to respond "No". NMF #1, a card carrying member of the Society for the Promotion of Intellectual Curiosity, shot back with "Why?"

Mom: "Because if you eat dessert first, you won't have room for your healthy food"
NMF#1: "But if I eat dessert first, the healthy food will wipe all of the sugar off of my teeth"

At this point, her mother decided to not go down the route of "Because I said so". Instead she told NMF #1 "Look, if you can write four sentences with very very good reasons why you should eat your dessert first, you can have your dessert first."

Chick wrote 5 sentences for 5 reasons and ate her dessert first.

Since this is a late breaking story and my sister was rushing this morning, I don't have the 5 reasons on hand. But I'll update you when I get them.

Bad Language Police:
Yesterday morning I called my sister and was greeted with "Morning chica". Before my sister could utter another word, NMF #2 began to give her a tongue lashing. "Don't say that Mommy. Stop it. That's doodie".

Confused, my sister asked "What's doodie?"
NMF #2: "Don't call anyone that. That's doodie. Don't say that Mommy."
My sister: "I'm talking to Aunt Dawn"
NMF #2 (even angrier): "Don't call Aunt Dawn that Mommy. It's not nice"

Finally, my sister realized what was going on...NMF#2 thought that chica was a bad word. She explained that chica was Spanish for girl. This placated NMF#2 a little bit, but now she was perturbed because "Aunt Dawn is not a girl". To make peace on the morning ride, my sister asked me for the Spanish word for sister.

My sister to NMF #2 "Hermana is the Spanish word for sister. So how about I say 'Good morning hermana'?"

Once again, all was well with the morning ride.


At the request of the NMF: On the way to school today, my sister revealed to the NMFs that they have a place on my blog. Since they are savvy chicks, they are excited to be featured on the Internet. While most kids might respond with a "Cool" or a "Thank You", the NMFs are on an entirely different plane.

NMF#1's response - "Tell Aunt Dawn to write about The Muppets."
NMF #2 backed her up with a chorus of "Do it, Aunt Dawn, do it."

Translation "If you're going to write about us, then tell the world what we think they should know." They are their own spin masters! In case you missed the subtlety of the request, they didn't ask me to write about The Muppets. They told my sister to tell me to write about The Muppets. In fact, when I was talking to NMF #1 on the phone, she said "I told Mommy to tell you something. Hold on, I'll pass the phone to her." After my sister relayed their edict, NMF #2 chimed in with the "Do it, Aunt Dawn, do it."

So, at the request of the NMF....

Muppets do The Wizard of Oz:
Last night, they watched The Muppets version of The Wizard of Oz. They absolutely loved it. Interestingly enough, this is a Quentin Tarantino flick. No doubt his style had some influence on the one of the highlights for NMF #1 -when the witch got kicked in the face. Enjoying violence is something unusual for this peace loving empathetic soul.

Anywho, last night, when my sister was talking about the movie, she was running down the cast. Ashanti as Dorothy...Queen Latifah as Auntie Em. At which point, NMF#1 piped up and asked "What's a Queen Latifah?"

One of the very rare moments when both my sister and I are stunned into temporary silence. It was the way she phrased the question that threw us off. My response over the phone "A bad chick man, a baaad chick" (bad meaning good of course). That brought my sister back to reality. Her reply "Queen Latifah is the real name of the woman who played Dorothy's aunt"

EDIT: Quentin Tarnantino didn't direct...just a cameo.

What's going on...

I've received (and accepted) a job offer and I'm relocating to the East Coast.

I love the East Coast. NYC, Philly,Boston,Jersey,Vermont... it's going to be most awesome.

Take it away, Stinky Wizzleteats:

Gettin' my shout on!

Soon I'll be on blogging hiatus as I'm begninning another most AWESOME adventure (more details to follow). For now, I just feel like getting my shout on!

Old School Fred Hammond


Not quite old school/not quite new school Kirk Franklin

Foot fantasy

Cool weather, changing leaves...time for boots.

Oh how my feet long to be dressed in this kind of fabulousness.

For your aural pleasure

Angélique Kidjo. She's a baaaaaaaaaad chick. I saw her in concert in Chicago...a-freakin-mazing.

Yet another way to fight random bugs

I have been travelling on planes quite a bit lately. When I get home, I feel icky....run down, stuffed up - you know what I mean.

However, I was determined not to get sick because I had interviews on my plate. Monica gave me some Airborne, but I wasn't noticing anything. I saw a commercial for Alka Seltzer Plus Immunity Complex and figured - "What the heck?"

Trust - that ish really works. As far as I'm concerned it's right up there with MAC as a product that rocks my world.

Mommy's Little Helper

Now this one brought a smile to my face and tear to my eye...thanks to Monica and Danielle for bringing it to the front of mind.

For your aural pleasure

A lot has been going on in my world. Will get back to regular posting soon enough.

In the meantime, I heard the instrumental hook for this song on the radio this morning. Good times, good times. From one of the best soundtracks for R&B/Hip-Hop fans (Brown Sugar is also up there)

A different generation

NMF #2 continues to amaze me with her bravada. Last week, her mother gave her $1 to put in the Sunday School offering. Offering time comes around and what does chick do?

She hands the Sunday School teacher a play credit card. "Put it on the card?" The Sunday School teacher nearly fell out. It took about five minutes for the Sunday School teacher to convince NMF #2 that she couldn't take the card in lieu of cash.

Totally a different generation.

Friends and Food: A Brief Pictorial

Monica and the eggplant salad @ Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba

Me and the patas bravas @ Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba

Sesame Street Memories

I used to love this!

You are what you look like, right?

Last night, I came to the realization that by all charts and tables - I will forever be a fat chick. Even when I reach my goal weight, my BMI classification will be "overweight". You know what, I am totally okay with that. Why? The road that will take me from morbidly obese to overweight will make me fitter, stronger and even more fab than I already am!

Last night, I was perusing some fat blogs and ran across Kate Harding's Illustrated BMI project. It's a visual representation what underweight, normal, overweight, obese and morbidly obese looks like.

As far as being "overweight", I'll be in good company - cuz all of these women are "overweight" too!

Hall of Fame

Last night, I was watching the VH1 Hip Hop Honors for two reasons: Whodini and A Tribe Called Quest...not because these are two of the greatest hip hop groups for all eternity....but because because of the experiences associated with their music. So I've decided to induct them into my hall of fame. In addition to Whodini and Tribe, I'm also inducting Fugazi. circa 1990 I've discussed my love for Whodini in previous post...so here's the back story for Fugazi circa 1990 and Tribe.


Honoree: Fugazi circa 1990
In my sophomore year of high school, a kid named Joaquin transferred in . He got sick and missed a lot of school. Since he lived near me, and we took a lot of the same classes, I began tutoring him when he got better. He was so awesome. Very much an alt/punk kid with his Doc Martens and blue hair. Very much a contrast to me and my buttoned up conservative nerd appearance. And his girlfriend Dominique was even more fab. Joaquin introduced me to a whole new world of music. Fugazi was my favorite. "Shut the door/so I can leave"...I wore the tape out. It broadened my musical tastes and my personal horizons.

For graduation, he took me to a Fugazi concert. It was so much fun, so different from anything I had experienced. When I dressed for the concert, I had on ripped jeans, a ripped tee, a skullcap and some combat boots...my MOTHER and GRANDMOTHER made me change into dress pants and this purple silk shirt. When I got to the concert, security didn't even bother to pat me down. They just looked at me with a mixture of confusion and pity and said "Have a good time". It was my first (and last mosh pit). Other people at the concert saw the way I was dressed and were protecting me from getting hurt. At one point, I was standing at the front of the stage and it was wild. I had gotten separated from Joaquin. Elbows were flying left and right. Next thing I know, this arm came out of nowhere on my left side and landed on the guard rail, then another came on my right side and landed on my guard rail. I turned around and there was a gargantuan guy (at least 6'5" and very muscular) with a huge mohawk and multiple piercings standing behind me. He leaned in and whispered, "Enjoy the concert, I'll make sure you won't get hurt". So I did. After the opening act finished, I realized that I lost my earring. I dropped to the floor to look for it. He was right there "Are you okay? What's going on?" I told him I lost my earring. My guardian angel got on his hands and knees and crawled around until he found it. I never got his name and he never was inappropriate with me. He stayed with me the whole concert and made sure that I found Joaquin when it was time to go.

I need to find some Fugazi. I haven't listened to them in years.
(Monica or Natalie - based on this entry, would you please recommend some new bands for me? I feel the need to expand my musical horizons. I'm going to go ahead and investigate of montreal because you both raved about them SOOO much. :) )


Honoree: A Tribe Called Quest
Ay has been a great friend from jump. I remember how we met. We were in a pre-frosh summer program at school and had to partner up for an activity. She was wearing an orange shirt, so I chose her to partner up with. That's it...just because she was wearing an orange shirt and I liked orange. I figured she must be a cool person if she was wearing an orange shirt. The funny thing was that I didn't know her from Eve. Plus, there were other people in the program that I knew. She was my introduction to hip hop, and in particular, A Tribe Called Quest. Benita Applebaum, El Segundo, and the whole Low End Theory album. In fact, Low End Theory was the FIRST hip hop album I ever bought. We were fortunate enough to see A Tribe Called Quest in concert in a small venue during our first year of college. So awesome.

Solid Serenade

I was never a huge fan of this show...but Solid Serenade is one of my all time cartoon favorites, in large part because of this song.

It gets even better when he does that horrible cheesy accent to woo the lady cat: "I love you, and you set my soul on fire. It is not just a little spark, it is a flame. A big roaring flame. I can feel it now."

The episode in its entirety:

What we used to watch...

Here's a little blast from the past.



When I watched this today, it was slightly disturbing....maybe because the villians were named after very important parts of the brain (Sara Bellum and Lobe), maybe it's because Sara Bellum was a cougar, maybe it was the red jumpsuit, maybe it was the fro, maybe it was the steppinfetcit robot, maybe it was the high cheez factor, maybe it was the high quality opening graphics, maybe it was the chalk on nails theme song...not quite sure.

Society for Prevention of Ashy Lips

This morning I was listening to the Tom Joyner Morning Show. A listener called in and asked Tom the following: "Tom, why didn't you ask Tyler Perry if he had enough vaseline for Malik Yoba's lips?"

Man, that brought back memories. It always amazed me that Malik Yoba could be so careless with those things. How could he look in the mirror and not see that we he was in reverse blackface? For that matter, how could the makeup people or the produers not stop that travesty?

Maybe I'm over reacting...maybe his lips weren't so bad.

This afternoon a rerun of "New York Undercover" proved me wrong.

I remember reading an interview he did where he addressed the lip situation. His excuse "I lick my lips a lot and they tend to dry out". If that's truly the case, then, to paraphrase the TJMS crew, brother needs a vaseline drip.

Just talking about this makes me wanna go find my lipchap.

Good News

The SA miners all got out safe and sound!

Time

Not having a job yet and having a limited income lulled me into becoming a major couch potato. When the highlight of your day is an update to dlisted.com, it's time for an intervention.

So, what am I doing now? I've gotten my ass out of the house and back to the cafe. I have a phone interview on Friday and a TBD in person interview. I'm prepping for them. I'm also going to try a free e-course to improve my French and add some other languages under my belt.

I am so used to being engaged that not having anything to do is really a pain. However, I am determined to hold out for the right match for a job - assignments/responsibililty, location, compensation package. Opportunities that meet all criteria are not as plentiful as one would think. As it turns out, many CPG companies exist in Nowheresville. Being in Nowheresville pretty much forces your life to revolve around the company...been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

I live a faith based life and that's pretty much all that's keeping me going right about now. Belief that there is an entitiy (God - cuz I'm a Christian) greater than me who's looking out for me during all of this and prepping me for something better. In the meantime, I'll keep plugging away, doing what I can until it's my time.

Job search brought blues but Pinky brought joy

Today has been a meh kind of day. The job search started to take its toll, so I took a day off to get refocused. I know that everything that I didn't get wasn't a match (and that's not just sour grapes - for example - I emphasized work/life balance and having outside interests only to find out in subsequent interviews that people in that company live,work and breathe each other. I mean...c'mon - you people live/work in NYC) but it was still kind of demoralizing.

Fortunately, I have a most awesome Mommy who has some idea of what I'm going through and she listened from a knowing place. Relaxing, reading, talking to Mommy, prayer - feeling much better now.

But I digress...

Nothing was on TV tonight but as I was channel surfing I came across one of the best cartoons ever..."Pinky and the Brain". It was on Toon Disney!

When I was in college, "Pinky and the Brain" and "Animaniacs" were the bomb. Everyone watched. Now that I'm older and seeing it again, I have a greater appreciation for "Pinky and the Brain". For example - in the episode I'm watching as I write this, Brain dresses up in a man suit...chaos and hilarity ensue and Brain ends up in court. An example of the sheer brillance of the show - the prosecutor is modeled after CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.

I'm so glad that that was on tonight!

Birthday Bust

My birthday is January 1st. People tend to think I get shafted on presents because it's so close to Christmas. I don't get shafted on presents, I get shafted on parties. That sucks because in my family, birthdays are the most important days of the year. That's the day that God blessed the family with another member. It's a day to be feted to no end. For example, one of the NMF was born on Thanksgiving. When her b-day falls on Thanksgiving, my sister and her family don't have Thanksgiving, they have a big birthday celebration. A huge party with friends and family. Cake, streamers, balloons, games and presents.

In my life, I have only had one birthday party on my birthday. It was in high school. That turned out to be a hot mess because my friends were still recovering from New Year's Eve. With my family, it was always the traditional New Year's Day soul food meal and then my presents as an afterthought.

If I do end up celebrating my birthday in some way, shape, form or fashion - it's usually tied into some New Year's Eve thing. Like the year I turned 25...I ended up at Mad Bar in Chicago. I went by myself and told everyone it was my birthday on Jan 1. I had a great time that night - everyone bought me drinks, the band played happy birthday, I danced. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun, but it wasn't a birthday party.

My birthday dream - to have a party with my friends and family on my birthday. I want a cake with candles, music, good food, streamers or some other random decorations. I don't want it to be second fiddle to New Year's Eve either. One day it may even happen.

It's candy, bee-yotch

I got Chinese food last night - extra spicy. As I was munching on a pepper, I remembered a story from my childhood. Reason #4,567,852 why I love my Daddy.

I was about 8 or 9 years old and Mommy had agreed to babysit a coworker's daughter for the weekend. She was around the same age as my sister and me, so Mommy thought it would be fun. Plus, the coworker and her husband had to go out of town. The woman dropped the girl off and she seemed cool while her mother was there...but then when her parents left, she turned into a straight up bitch.

I don't remember exactly what she did, but I do remember that I could not stand her ass. Neither could my sister. Neither could my mother. Neither could my father. I do remember her being really bratty and demanding...only because that was to be her downfall.

On Saturday, Daddy took us out for Chinese food. This lil' bitch was yelling and screaming about what she was going to eat and what she wasn't going to eat. Fast forward to chow time. My father LOVED spicy food. He also enjoyed making a show of eating the peppers. Lil' Bitch couldn't stand that Daddy was getting all of the attention and began to whine and scream.

Lil' Bitch: "I want some"
Daddy : "No you don't, this is for grown ups"
Lil' Bitch: "I WANT SOME. I WANT SOME. I WANT SOME."
Daddy: "No"
Lil' Bitch (who is standing in her seat at this point) "GIMME SOME"
Daddy: "Okay - you can try one and if you like it, you can have some more" (Hands Lil' Bitch a red chile pepper)
Lil' Bitch: "What is it?"
Daddy: "It's candy."

At this point, we were all stunned. Daddy did not believe in harming kids nor did he lie very often. My sister and I were even more stunned that Mommy didn't intervene.

Lil' Bitch happily popped the pepper in her mouth and then her expression began to change. Her eyes welled up and she had this look on her face like "WTF?". As she reached for the water, my father pulled it away.

Daddy: " I told you that was for adults but you didn't listen. From now on, you are going to behave like the wonderful little girl I know you are. For the rest of the weekend you will be nice to my daughters. You will listen to me and Ms. Gloria. You will not talk back, you will not be rude. We want to have a good time with you. Understood?"

Lil' Bitch nodded her head.

Daddy opened up his hand and told her to spit out the pepper. He then gave her some rice and asked the waiter to bring some milk. He was so sweet to her - he picked her up, gave her a big hug and sat her on his lap until her mouth felt better. As a bonus, he took us all out for ice cream afterwards.

Although it was extreme -it worked. She was so much fun after that. We had a great time for the rest of the weekend.

Makeover Chronicles....

is alive and well

The Makeover Chronicles

Foot Fetish

I heart shoes...and not in that stereotypical "fat chick who has lots of shoes because she can't fit into regular clothes" type way. In addition to being a fat chick, I also have large feet...so even if I wanted to redirect my fashion frustrations to my feet - it wasn't happening. All that energy got directed to 2 things - getting smarter and getting fatter, but I digress.

It wasn't until last year that I lost enough weight for my feet to shrink to a size 11 (either that or manufacturers started making size 11s larger). I could even fit into a size 11M in some high end shoes (Sesto Meucci - I love you!).

My love for shoes is much like my love for clothes...so many years I was denied fashion cuz it wasn't available in my size. Slowly but surely, it's coming into reach...

Until then, I am content to oogle...come hither heels (aka f*ck me shoes) , career girl pumps, and other goodies.

Morbid Obesity

Was trolling weight loss blogs because I needed some inspiration when I came across this.

All I can say is "Amen"!

Worth a thousand words...

(For those not in the know - it's Mychal Bell)

Regeneration properties of the human body

I have pierced ears...have had them for almost 30 years. Never in the history of my pierced ears have my holes started to close - until today. It was the oddest thing. I went to put earrings in this morning and the right one wouldn't go through. So I used a little force and broke through the skin.

I cannot believe that my holes started to close. I figured after 30 years, those bad boys should be like 7-11..

On the other hand, for the first time in my life, I have acne marks. I've been a wee bit stressed lately and have had random unfortunate whiteheads appear here and there. I invested in a comedone remover and followed the instructions - and it still left a dark spot. So I decided to leave the next one be and just slather it with pimple cream...it disappeared in 2 days...but still left a dark spot. My previously even toned skin now has 3 dark spots from acne! According to some info I read, it takes 6 weeks for them to fade. Time is ticking....

Speaking of fading...I was viciously attacked by a rather ornate metal trashcan. It happened while I was cleaning up the library at Oma's house. It left a little slice on my big toe. That was about three weeks ago. I still have a dark spot on my toe - a scar.

I'm sure by now, you're probably like "WTF?".

See, I don't have a history of scars. In my 30+ years on this earth - I have accumulated very few dermatological anomalies:
1. A reminder from when I put a body part through a storm window
2. A reminder from when I tripped at the gas station
3. A reminder from the 2006 car accident (which I'm still not sure how that occurred cuz I had no injuries)
4. A reminder from my youth when I accidentally stuck a pencil in my body and broke off the lead

That's it.

Now, I haven't lived a sheltered life...I've traversed jungles in Africa (literally), explored a forest in South America (literally), played TWO YEARS of rugby, logged hours on the playground chasing the nieces most fab, walked into walls (I was sober, I just had some depth perception issues) and 4 dermatological anomalies is all I have to show for it.

So this recent outbreak of marks is quite unsettling.

In the grand scheme of things,I know that this ish is nothing. I just needed to vent.

As you wish

Wow, I can't believe it's been 20 years . Cary Elwes definitely had swagger back then.

Perspective

In January 2006, I was in a car accident. I was on my way to church on a Sunday morning. Happy because I had just accepted an offer with the company. I was graduating in 4 months, had a good job with a good company, had lost a bit of weight...life was grand. Out of nowhere, I spun out on the highway. It was a dry day and I had driven this stretch for 2 years without incident. Fortunately, there were no other cars on the highway at this time. It seems like so long ago...as I was looking for some pictures of myself eating a donut and thinking "Fat pig", I ran across pictures of the car after the accident. ..




I walked away with no injuries. Was able to go to classes the next day...went on with my life as if nothing happened.

Not sure where I was going with this...but I'm no longer thinking of myself as "Fat Pig"
More like "Super blessed"

Not much

Haven't been blogging much because there's not much going on to blog about. Truly a time of waiting on the job front.

Have been spending a lot of time with Oma. She's the coolest grandmother ever! We've been catching up on our movie watching - last week we saw "Shoot 'Em Up". Probably the best worst movie that I've seen in ages. It's so bad that I have to believe it was made bad on purpose. Paul Giamatti is such a great actor the only way he could deliver that over the top performance is if he purposely did it. He's beyond an ass in this movie. I have the same amount of repulsion (if not a smidge more) for this character as a I did for Jabba the Hutt.

Alfonso...I hardly knew ye

Yes, it's another video.

No, I'm not just posting videos because I've FINALLY figured out the technology.

Anywho...

I had a MAJOR crush on this kid. Even went as far as writing fan letters...and I wasn't a fan letter type girl. My pre-teen mind says he wrote me back. The jaded marketing professional says it was his manager. Either way, I got return letters from Alfonso Ribeiro.

Ahh...those were the days. Silver Spoons, Pepsi Commercials, appearances on the UNCF Telethon...wherever he was going to be on TV, I was watching.

Good thing I didn't see this when I was oh-so-in-love with Alfonso. Not only would I have been disillusioned, I would have been PISSED that my baby sold out to the corporate man for a buck.

Old School Jam

This was my jam.

It's a beautiful day for...

Apple picking. Bike riding in the country. Hiking. A great outdoor festival. A picnic. Playing in the park with a large dog, preferably a Mastiff or a Great Dane.

None of which I'm doing right now because I am proactively preparing for my exodus from this burg. Yesterday was also a gorgeous day, so I decided to visit the farmer's market. True to form, this was overall a monumental disappointment.

I didn't set out expecting for it to be a disappointment. I was really looking forward to the experience. The website made it sound so promising. I love farmer's markets, too. When I got there, all was well - found good parking across the street. Then I went into the market.

Yeah, that's where the dream died. It was half empty - very few vendors. I am not naive enough to believe that all produce at a farmer's market comes from local farms. There are many people there who purchase from wholesalers. Unfortunately, the majority of the vendors at this market did that. However, I ran across a vendor who LIED about it. I asked him if his peppers were locally grown, he said yes. When I picked them up to inspect them - there were stickers that said "Product of Canada". I'm no Ms. Teen South Carolina. I know where Canada is on the map.

But soon enough, I will be in a real city that has multiple REAL farmer's markets filled with local produce....and when there's no farmer's market, there are budget friendly produce stores that offer a better selection at better prices than the local grocery chains.

Back to packing...

Jena 6

Praise God for the overturn.

A collection of stuff

Tooth fairy Part 1:
The eldest NMF lost her first tooth.
"Aunt Dawn, guess what the tooth fairy left me?"
"What?"
"FOUR QUARTERS!!! FOUR QUARTERS UNDER MY PILLOW"

$1.00 for one tooth. I guess that's inflation for ya.

You are What You Eat:
New show on BBCAmerica. This could be a great show if the nutritionist weren't so pissy. The interesting thing is that at the end, the fat folks feel better and look better. Plus they have a better attitude. The host is still pissy.

Take home lesson - 8 weeks of this program will leave you lighter and happy feeling...a lifetime of this program will leave you a shriveled, shrill witchy woman.

Tooth Fairy Part #2:


NMF #1: "Mommy, I saw the tooth fairy. She came in around 11 o'clock last night and put the quarters under my pillow. At first I thought it was you, but it was past your bedtime. You go to bed before 11, right Mommy?"

My sister: "Right"

NMF #1:"That's what I thought. I knew it couldn't be you because you would be in bed at that time"

3:10 to Yuma
Go see it this weekend. Christian Bale, men on horses, wonderful chase scenes, suprising humor and an ending that's so beyond good

If I only had a perm...

For those of you who don't speak Spanish, check out the translation here.

BTW - this is NOT real, it's a clever promo campaign. Although, it looks a lot like some of the shops that I've seen on my travels to developing countries...

Moving on...I'm moving on

Yeah, I know...it's been a minute.

I've been hanging with my fab-u-lous grandmother for a few days. An impromptu vacay from the everyday. We've been having mad fun.

Good news on the job front - a gig in a big city is in the works. I had an in-person interview and the first feedback I got was interesting so my recruiter went to bat for me. Still waiting to hear back from that. Also have an interview soon for another big city gig.

In the meantime, my landlord is having a cow over me moving. He doesn't want tenants moving out from Oct - Jan because that's the hardest time for him to rent - and there's a clause for that in the rental agreement. Plus, even though I'm month to month, there's a 60 day notice clause. Of all of this, the only thing I remembered was that I'm month-to-month. When I e-mailed him that I MAY be moving at the end of September (in a period well normally required for a month-to-month lease), he had a hissy. He went into a panic and it was all very weird.

I totally take the responsibility for not reviewing my rental agreement at the beginning of the job search - that's on me. I approach this as a business transaction. He on the other hand is coming across as if I have done inflicted mortal damage. It's as if he expected me to stay in that apartment forever. In June, when I told him that I left [former company], I also told him that I would be leaving the city. My mistake - not following up on that conversation with an e-mail message.

No worries - this is not even a blip in the road.

First time

Just thinking about my first concert....







(She sang this, but he was only a track!)

And the headliner....

Palate Pleaser

I've discovered the joy of beets. Right now I'm roasting them in the oven and then eating them as part of a salad or tossing them in olive oil/sea salt for a side dish.

So, that's one more vegetable on the "yum" list.

I was reading an article that suggested swiss chard was a good addition to add to one's veggie list.

Turnips? Yes. Mustards? Yes. Collards? More please. Spinach? Bring it on, baby!

Swiss chard? Only if I follow this recipe.

Talkin' bout my generation

On Saturday, I went to dinner with Andrea and her friends JP and Elford. The place was playing really good music from the 80s and 90s. We all went into total "back-in-the-day" mode. Which was kind of interesting, seeing as Andrea and I (at 34 and 33 respectively) have a few years on JP and Elford (neither has reached 30 quite yet). At one point, I found myself saying to them "You may not be old enough to remember this..." On the whole, the guys were able to keep up with our trip down memory lane. If there was something before their time, Elford would say "Yeah, I wasn't out of the chute yet". At one point, "Unbelievable" came on. JP and I insisted that it was Jesus Jones. Andrea, in her infinite wisdom, pulled the WTF card and said it was EMF. How random was it that JP, I guy I never met before, and I both came up with same wrong answer?

Age is a funny thing. If I didn't know how old Elford was before I met him, I would have sworn that he was closer to 33 than he is...and I would have thought JP was farther away from 33 than he is.


Andrea wins the throwback award for that night because she brought up Joe Jackson. I haven't thought about him since high school! For those who don't know, and those who want to sing along...

Utterly Fab Discovery: Luciousness

This weekend, I heard an awesome description for Jill Scott and Jennifer Hudson - lucious.

I associate lucious with luxurious, pleasurable, rich, superb quality, indulgent, beautiful, fascinating. A lucious woman is all of that plus she exudes intelligence, confidence, sexiness and strength.

Sometimes I feel lucious. Friday morning was one of the rare times in the recent past where my luciousness was full on. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Now that things are starting to get back on track, I'm going to work harder on being that lucious woman on a more regular basis.

Good times

This weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with my a good friend. Although we don't live too far from each other, we haven't hung out in a few months.

For the last few years,she has been talking about these donuts from a place called Spaldings. Now, I'm not a donut person...so I really could've cared less. Except that she's not a donut person and she LOVES these donuts. Plus, she also knows good food. So on this trip, we stopped by Spalding's.

I feel like I tasted donuts for the first time. There are no words to adequately describe the utter deliciousness. Once I recover from the sugar coma, I'll post a picture.

Roomies

Today I was joking with a friend about the high cost of living in NYC. I told her if we both get jobs there we should share an apartment. She told me that if I was still as messy I used to be, she would kill me. I told her the only thing she had to worry about was me bringing home random hookups from the salsa club - but not to worry because I would bring one home for her too.

In my life, I have had 6 roommates. Only one of those roommates was a friend. We're friends to this day because we made the wise decision to stop being roommates. The other five roommates have made me swear off of roommates until the day that I get married.


Let's see...after roommate #1 - the one who's still my friend, there was

#2: Perpetually depressed hamster girl. Why was she perpetually depressed? "I'm Korean and as a people, Koreans are depressed." The only thing that brough joy to her life was her hamster - which happened to be an illegal resident in the dorm. One day, he was there. The next he was gone. Dorm folklore had it that the janitor got rid of it because he really hated rodents in the dorm. When he left, she was even more depressed.But she took it all in stride "Such is the lot of the Korean". I'm not making this ish up.

#3: Die hard conservative spawn of liberals. She described herself as [name omitted], half Japanese Republican who unfortunately had liberal parents. Think of the female incarnation of Alex Keaton. For the most part, she was really nice. The one thing that pushed me over the edge was when she let some random guy friend of hers record an inappropriate outgoing message on our voicemail. It was something to the effect of "_______ and _________ can't come to the phone right now because they are too busy sucking my balls" When I expressed my displeasure, she did not comprehend how inappropriate that was. [Come to think of it, the same ish happened with depressed hamster girl. She had one of her male friends do the same thing. I knew the depressed hamster girl's male friend and when I asked him how he would feel if his mother called and heard that message on his sister's machine, how would she feel. He apologized and called my mother and apologized to her for the message.]

#4: The roommate that never came back to school. She signed up to be my roommate, but then she decided to move back home. She didn't tell me this. She thought she was doing me a favor by ensuring that I got the best room in the house to myself. Instead, I went through hell from some stank ass (literally - this chick did not wash on a regular basis and she had the nerve to have sex in common areas with her boyfriend who also did not wash on a regular basis) who wanted my room. She dragged me to all sorts of offices and complained about how it wasn't fair that I got this room all to myself while she had to share a room with someone....how I engineered this with the roommate that never came back to school....how I was a queen bitch. Finally, I just gave the heiffer my room and took hers. After airing it out and making sure she vaccuumed up all of the nasty toenail clippings she left everywhere.

#5:Passive aggressive punk. Where do I begin? I answered an ad in a newspaper. He seemed cool at first. Then it went wrong...really wrong. As soon as I stopped agreeing with everything he said, he became mean. When I didn't take his unsolicited advice, he threw tantrums. He never physically abused me, although he did do his best to mentally abuse. It ended with me leaving under the cover of darkness and returning when I knew he was at work so that I could get my stuff.

#6: Too evil and crazy to mention. Literally.

Big Girl Decision

Today I made a big girl decision - to defer PC for a year. I've been having a major ethical dilemma about taking a job and then turning around and leaving it. It would have been different if I had some sort of real time table from PC...but I didn't.

So I decided to make the big girl decision and defer for a year.

Which means that I'm back on the corporate trail. Not so bad because the gigs are located in real cities.

As my wonderful and wise friends put it - this decision can only bring good into my life.

Last one from the left

Today I got some faux Chinese food from a local noodle shop. I call it faux Chinese because it's it's not Americanized and I have it on good authority from a Chinese friend that it's definitely not Chinese. However, the names of the dishes are names one would expect to find in that round the way fast food Chinese place.

But I digress...

So I opened the fortune cookie and the fortune read:
"When the moment comes, take the last one from the left."

WTF?

What happened to things like "Be true to yourself and all will reveal itself" or "You are fun to be with and have lots of friends"?

You can't even add in bed to this fortune...it makes no sense
"When the moment comes, take the last one from the left in bed"


I've been thinking about a lot of things lately - which is the right decision? how do I go about doing X or Y? The advice I have received seems to make as much sense as this fortune. Guess the only thing to do now is keep on praying and keep on living.

Reality

Some of the fam assumed that PC was a pipe dream...something that I was doing to pacify whatever angst I had from the previous gig.

Now that it's coming into play as a viable reality, these folks are having some issues. It's hard for me because I know that it's coming out of a place of love for me and a not completely understanding what I'm doing with my life.

Here are the key issues:
1. No instant gratification (i.e. I have to wait a min. of 6 months for an assignment)
2. No money for my service
3. Uncertainity of assignment location

I know that if I were to give in to their idea of what my life should be like, as soon as I uttered the first regret at not going for PC - they would say "Yeah, you should've done that." After years and years of going through this, I've finally learned that I need to stop looking for their approval and do me.

The nice thing about this is that there is no love loss. Although they don't quite get it - they acknowledge that they don't quite get it. Then they tell me how much they love me.

More random reasons why I heart Chicago

Funkadesi


SummerDance

Put both on your list of "Things to experience in this lifetime"

Freedom!

As I was going through my bank account, I noticed that there was no automatic withdrawal for my gym membership. Then it dawned on me "My contract is over!"

I actually used my membership. But now that the weather is nicer, there's more daylight, and I don't have a full time job yet - I would rather use Mother Nature's gym.

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Waiting

Now it's all about waiting.

PC came through. Now I have to wait on further details.

Resumes are out there. Now I have to wait for interviews.

Feeling better than last week. Now I have to wait until I'm back to full strength to do the ripping and running I used to do.

On the other hand....

PC came through. Now I have time to build my $$$.

Resumes are out there. Now I have time to do adequate research and be thoroughly prepped for interviews.

Feeling better than last week. Now I can breathe through both nostrils and am no longer hacking up a lung.

Same Curl

Too funny.

Say what?

I started packing today.

Where am I going?
TBD.

When am I going?
TBD.

The only known is that I am leaving this burg for something/place much better sometime in the near future...and going will require moving. So I'm getting a jump on things and I'm packing.
Makes sense to me, makes sense to those who know me...but it doesn't make sense to the general public.

I ran into my neighbor while bringing boxes into the apartment. He asked me when I was moving. "I am not sure". He then said "Where are going?" "I am not sure." He stopped and looked at me and then said "Oh, you haven't decided." I corrected him - "No, I'm not sure where I'm going and when I'll go, but I know I'm going sometime in the near future." He looked at me as if I had said "Purple pigs smoke crack but only when Homer Simpson makes out with Big Mamma under the yellow men."

I also had the same type of experience with interviews. One interviewer, who used to work for the same company I used to work for, told the recruiter that he was confused about why I left my former company. He said"Well, if she doesn't like {city} so much, why is she conducting her job search from there?" He couldn't wrap his head around why ANYONE would leave this company without knowing exactly where they were going or what they were doing. The other company phrased it like this "She has made a brave decision and we're not completely comfortable with that. " It's funny how the recruiters get it, but the interviewers haven't. I tell them all the same story - the truth. Being the consummate marketing professional that I am, I have devised a way to communicate the story in a way that won't upset their conventional notions AND it will highlight one of my strengths.

On a more positive note, PC interview is right around the corner!

Almost over...

The funky virus has packed its belongings and is moving out!

New love

I'm in love and his name is Ralph. We met in NYC and I don't know how I've lived this long without him. I've seen him around many times before but I never paid much attention to him because I thought he was out of my league.

We were introduced by a saleswoman named Judith. When we finally met, he made me feel really good, but I was still hesitant. However, I was in dire need of something comfortable, so I decided to make him part of my life. Upon checkout, I was pleasantly surprised. Although he looked out my league - he was really wasn't.

Since then, he's been the only one that comforts me when I need it. Those other jeans feel rough and scratchy. His denim is buttery soft and makes my butt look good. Plus, they fit perfectly after being washed.

Oh Ralph, what have you done to me?

No NYC this time

Got word back from my interview - didn't get the job....or as the recruiter put it "they don't want to continue with your candidacy".

Pasa lo que pasa. I'm not really too upset about this one passing me by. Maybe because my focus is on getting over this funky virus that has decided to wreck havoc with my nasal passages...maybe because I have another NYC interview on the horizon. Most likely it's because I know that I prayed for God's will to be done throughout the whole ordeal and going in I was accepting of whatever the answer would be.

Talk to Me

Don Cheadle and Chiwetel Ejiofor do their damn thing in this movie. Show em some love and go see it. It's funny, poignant and all around good movie - the story of a DC radio DJ and his best friend.

Here's the man, myth and legend that inspired the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w7YPlGRX5w

Divine intervention

This weekend was an unplanned, but welcomed adventure. I flew into NYC for an interview. Just a day trip.

I was so excited that I didn't really sleep the night before. I was up at 3 AM re-reading materials about the company and practicing my interview answers out loud. Got to the airport at 6:00 AM for my 7:40 AM flight. Had an exit row seat (love the leg room) and the flight took off on time.

When we got to LaGuardia, the pilot announced there was trouble on the ground and we were in a holding pattern for 20 minutes. That 20 minutes soon turned into a diversion to Pittsburgh to refuel and waiting in Pittsburgh until we were cleared to go back to LaGuardia. At 12:15 PM, I finally stepped off of the plane. The scheduled arrival was 9:30 AM.

As soon as the pilot announced cell phone use was okay, I got a call from Delta saying that my flight home was cancelled and they rebooked me for Saturday morning. No worries -called the woman that made my travel plans and let her handle it.

Interviews went fine. The travel chick found me a great hotel in Manhattan (Hilton -New York on 6th Ave between 53rd and 54th). Had no clothes other than my suit and some heels, so I needed some retail intervention. The hotel had an 11% discount at Bloomies so I hopped into a bike cab to the one on 59th & Lex. The driver tried his hardest to get me to say yes to a date - to no avail. To his credit, he wasn't the creepy lech type that I sometimes encounter in NY. He was a nice enough guy and respectful when I said no.

Got to Bloomies and met Ms. Judith - one of the coolest salespeople I've met in a long time. The only jeans they had were Ralph Lauren for a pretty penny (even with my 11% discount). I bit the bullet and decided to buy them...only to discover that they were on sale for 40% off. With the additional 11%, that brought them into the range of more than I ever paid for a pair of jeans, but only $10 more than jeans at Lane Bryant at regular price. I couldn't see paying $180 for emergency shoes, so I hopped over to H&M (which had no plus sizes) and got some flip-flops for $5.90.

I have cousins who live in NYC, so I gave them a call. The oldest one invited me to a KRS One concert in Central Park...a free KRS One concert. I was too tired to move so I passed. But, next time I go we'll get together and do something.

The next morning, there was an even bigger surprise as I had to pay for the hotel and the town car to the airport. I thought these would be covered by the company. Thank God I had the funds to cover these expenses. In the past, I would've been up the creek without a paddle.

This trip was definitely full of divine intervention. At no point did I lose my cool or feel like things weren't going to work out for the best. I was even able to muster up energy and professionalism for the interview.


Thankfully, I had enough funds to pay for it -which was a surprise. I also had to pay for the town car to the airport the next morning. Another surprise.

Age ain't nuthin but a numbah

Just got back from New York City. While I get some much needed rest to recover from my wonderful adventure, here's something for ya from the Philadelphia City Paper.

Flex Appeal
At 86, great-grandmother Morjorie Newlin keeps pumping iron.
by Tasha Ho-Sang

Fourteen years ago, when Morjorie Newlin was 72, her neighborhood supermarket had 50-pound bags of kitty litter on sale. Without anyone to help her carry the bags back to her house, she struggled mightily under the load. Never a particularly athletic woman, but staunchly independent, she decided that she had to do something about her deteriorating physical capabilities.
Though osteoporosis was also on her mind, the septuagenarian began lifting weights — for her cat.

"I want to be as independent as I can be, for as long as I can," says Newlin, a great-grandmother and retired nurse who turns 86 tomorrow. "I just want to do things for myself."
After 13 years of weight training, Newlin is more than taking care of herself. At her two-story home in Mt. Airy, Newlin, who runs up the stairs with the sprightliness of a 10-year-old, has a room dedicated entirely to plaques, certificates and trophies (some almost as tall as her) from bodybuilding competitions that have taken her as far away as Italy, France and Germany. She's won more than 40 trophies in her late-blooming career. "There are so many, I don't know what to do with all of them," she says.

"I chuckled when I saw this little old lady walk inside the gym," says Richard Brown, a personal trainer at Rivers Gym in Mt. Airy, where Newlin began her training. "I was a little leery. I was just training young athletes at the time."

The little old lady quickly showed him what an older athlete could do.

"She kept coming in day after day, week after week, and month after month," Brown remembers. "She didn't want to do 'girly' workouts. She wanted to train with us fellows."
"After a few months of training, I looked at her physique and knew she was ready for a [bodybuilding] show," he continues. "She definitely had something to show."
Newlin was bench-pressing 65 pounds when she was 73 years old. A year later she was throwing up 85.

The bodybuilding competitions are broken into two divisions. Newlin's first competition was in the Amateur Athletic Union, which is open to the public.

Newlin recalls being a little reluctant when she saw the string bikini she'd have to wear in front of the bodybuilding audience.

"I knew the contest meant a lot to my trainer so I went along with it," she says. To everyone's surprise, Newlin won. The crowd went crazy on hearing she was 74 years old.

Newlin began her competition career in that AAU's Master's Division, which splits contestants into two categories: under and over a certain age limit, usually 35 or 45 years old. Newlin obviously fell way over the dividing line, wherever it was set, but was competing and winning against women half her age.

"I was always the oldest in all my competitions," says Newlin.

The daughter of very active Barbadian immigrants, Newlin admits that athleticism is in her genes: "My family is used to walking and running long distances." Although she's taking a break from bodybuilding competitions for now, Newlin is still training at least three days a week, now at Bally Total Fitness in Cedarbrook, and can still throw down with the best of them. "I could bench-press 90 pounds with a spotter. I can dead lift 95 pounds. I can squat 135 pounds," says Newlin.

She's been featured on Oprah and The View, and has appeared in commercials in Barbados. She spends her time out of the gym as a motivational speaker at schools and banquets, discussing the importance of exercise, weight training and dieting. "A lady called me earlier this week from Hawaii," Newlin says. "She asked questions about how to use weights."

Though some in her position might wonder how much longer they can keep it up — or how far they might have come if they'd started earlier — those questions never cross Newlin's mind. "Every day is different. The next day will take care of itself," she says with Zen-like calm.
"Age is only a number," says Brown. "There is only one Morjorie Newlin. ... She could do this for as long as she wants."

The Two Coreys

I'm sitting here watching A&E's new reality show "The Two Coreys". Yet another hot mess. Although, this one is a sentimental hot mess. I was a huge Corey Haim fan. Not so much of the Feldman.

I think the only real line uttered so far was by Corey Haim "I'm riding the pony". Hmmm...

I'm not sure if it's the heat, lack of suitable male companionship or sentimental factors dredged up by the show and the focus on the 20th anniversary of "Lost Boys"- but I might break Corey Haim off a piece. Then again, maybe not.

D'oh

Saw the movie. It was good...like the show was about 10 years ago. I went with a friend who stopped watching in 1998. She was laughing her head off... Spiderpig was even better in context.

If you are a fan, go. If you were a fan but haven't watched it in 10 years, go.

And if you do go, stay through the credits.

Mo'nique - my friend, my nemesis

Mo'nique is a interesting character. On one hand, she works to empower big chicks...the whole fat is fabulous and embrace your curves type stuff. She's right, you gotta love yourself. For her latest F.A.T contest, she had a section where the women were nekkid and covered with body paint. It was beautiful. I was really inspired by it...I want to get nekkid and get painted and then have portraits done.

On the other hand, she furthers the stereotype as the big woman as an unhealthy eater and someone who doesn't exercise. She went to Paris and looked for a FRIED CHICKEN JOINT. To add insult to injury,she asked the guys who worked at the joint what they recommended for a fat girl. Yes, she did.

But back to Mo'nique my friend - at Steve and Barry's, they sell a t-shirt that says "I (heart) Me". Interestingly enough, that's the only shirt that wasn't selling...in any size. I found that to be really sad. Women are willing to wear all kinds of ish on their chest, but weren't willing to wear something to express their love for themselves. Even though they had the shirt in my size, I too decided against it. Cost wasn't issue, it was $7.50....but I couldn't imagine walking down the street making that proclamation. Here are some random thoughts that went through my head:
1) People will look at me funny.
2) People will misinterpret the message (i.e. I'm high maintenance, I'm egotistic)
3) Yeah, like I really want that across my big ass titties
4) I'm 33 years old - too grown for silly message tees

#4 is valid...so I've decided against the shirt. However, I will do a better job of living the motto - no matter what my size.

In through the nose...out through the mouth

Things have been going at breakneck pace recently & I haven't had much time to post.

Still going along the road that leads 2 both paths...haven't hit the fork in the road yet.

I've had one interview for Path B...the one for Path A is soon.

Path B interview went well. I'm guessing that I did better than I think I did. I always beat myself up after these things and in the end they turn out for the best. So, I've resolved not to beat myself up with the "Why didn't I say this?" or "I should have phrased it like that." Kinda strange not beating myself up at this point, but definitely feels a lot better.

Path A is going cool too. I mailed off all of the papers, or so I thought. This morning I found a really important part of the application. Gotta mail it tomorrow. Again, not beating myself up for this. Things work out for the best in the end.

Guess today is a test of faith day. In the end, I know that God's best will be what I end up with, I just gotta keep doing my part and believing.

Proceeding down the path

Things are moving forward in a good way...too much to tell right now. Gotta get back to makin' it happen.

One step closer...

I opened my front door this morning and there was a packet from the Peace Corps! My pre-interview packet from the Peace Corps. I've got to submit fingerprints and all of that jazz. I'll call on Monday to schedule the interview.

In preparation for my getting out of this burg, I've started the pre-packing purge phase. Waiting until I receive marching orders will be too late. Since I'm in a waiting time, I figure it might as well be useful.

After yesterday's kick in the ovaries, I was feeling pretty down. Some words from Rev. Run put it all in perspective.

Word Of The Day (WHOLEHEARTED WORK)
Good morning, God allows situations in your work and life that will make no sense to your dreams - aspirations that you thought had come from him. Nevertheless, God instructs you to carry on as if working for him, rather than dwelling on your circumstances. That is because it is through those situations that he becomes your central focus, and you learn to cling to him above all other things - including your ambitions. Today, take heart that as long as you serve God, you are doing exactly as you are supposed to. Even if you lack work, he has assignments for you to accomplish. Someday soon, he will restore your dreams in a powerful way.

Word Of The Day (Always Thankful)
Good afternoon. The moment you permit your mind to dwell with dissatisfaction, you begin to lose ground.

SUPER FUCK!

I was just denied individual health insurance by Humana. Why? Because I am fat. That's the sole reason that I was denied.

If I want health insurance with Humana, I can cough up $400/month for COBRA (versus $130 for the individual plan) or I can beg them for coverage by sending in a letter stating that I am a healthy fat chick (of course I'll need to include my latest blood test/physical results and a copy of my gym attendance).

Called United. It's the same thing. I'm too fat to be insured on my own....COBRA it is.

FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.

We say tomato, They say steak

Beauty is a cultural thing. I found this article on the BBC news website about the fattening rooms of Calabar. Basically it's a spa where women go to get good and juicy before they get married. You eat, sleep, eat, sleep and then eat some more. When you're nice and plump (and no longer an embarrssment to your husband) you go home.

The first time I went to Ghana (age 20), men would come up to me and say "Oh you are sooo fat." I was so embarrassed. I had no idea that this was the equivalent of "You are a sexy goddess." When someone was kind enough to clue me in to this, it was still felt really wierd. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that one plane ride would take me from pariah to object of desire.

With time, I realized that I am a sexy beast wherever I am. It doesn't center so much on what the culture thinks of my body shape/size, but on how I think of myself. When I was 60lbs lighter, I was not as sexy as I am now. My body may have been smaller and my skirts shorter, but I had zero confidence.

10 years later, I have the confidence and the body I want is on its way.

Ole School Drama

Since I'm still waiting for info from the Peace Corps...I'll blog about my latest indulgence.

FOOTBALLER'S WIVES is the mutha-freakin' show!! Last night there was a vintage Dynasty-style fight between Eva (Joan Collins' character) and Tanya (on the left, Tanya is supposed to be about 1/2 Eva's age). Eva kicked Tanya's ass!

Here's the backstory:

-Eva has a hot lover named Paolo who is about 1/4 of her age. Paolo is a soccer phenom who has been picked up by the team that Tanya part owns.

-Paolo meets Tanya on the plane. He's attracted to Tanya. Tanya is attracted to him.

-Eva ain't havin' it and tries to spoil it at every turn. Turns out Eva has some really wierd hold over Paolo. When she finds Tanya and Paolo doing the nasty - she does some wierd mental ish on Paolo in front of Tanya.

- Tanya does some investigative research and finds that Paolo is actually Eva's adopted son.

- When she confronts Eva, Paolo overhears and decides that he wants his freedom so he tells Eva he's leaving her.

- Eva goes ape and knocks Paolo out with a garden tool. She then proceeds to strangle Tanya within an inch of her life.

- Paolo comes to, pulls Eva off of Tanya and Paolo and Tanya leave together.

- Cut to the end of the show and it turns out that Paolo is not Eva's only lover/son.

That's just one story...don't even get me started on the team captain, his wife and her female lover. Or the woman who went crazy while trying to drive her husband's murderer crazy. Or the mother who faked terminal cancer to keep her son from moving in with some girl (didn't work - he moved in with her...now the mom is faking a trip to Lourdes to get "healed" while in truth she's going on vacation to Malaga).

This ish is old school drama. The kind of stuff that you watch with your mouth open.

What makes it even better is the undercurrent of supremely tacky that runs through this show. Bad weaves, way way way too long Lee Press On Nails and a confusing amount of bedazzled garments coupled with some really bad acting by Phina Oruche...it's so much fun.

In a moment of weakness, I was convinced that I did not have the wherewithal to lose weight. So I sought salvation in the form of a trainer. I signed a ridiculous AND expensive 12 month contract...so I'm kinda stuck with it until I move.

Today, my trainer blew my mind. I was telling her about "YOU on a Diet".

Here are some highlights from the conversation:
Me:"It's a whole life change. Something that I can stick to while losing the weight and once I reach my goal."
Her (confused): "You want to lose weight"
Me: "Yes" Her: "What's your goal weight?"
Me: "Well, I'm not sure what the weight is, but I do know the size. That's something I like about this program is that it deals with waist sizes. I'm currently 46.5" and I would like to get to around 31" "
Her: "That's a big goal."
Me:"It's not like I'm trying to make it happen tomorrow."
Her: "So what's this diet like?"
Me: "It's not really a diet, it's more of a lifestyle plan...."
Her (interrupting and dismissive): "Diet means the way that you eat. So if you ate fatty food all day, that would be your diet"

You get the gist of the conversation.


I've been putting up with her ish for way too long. As I was on the treadmill, it hit me that I was acting powerless. So I summoned up some ovicular fortitude and made some decisions.

After my cardio I left her a note letting her know that
1) I want to make the new plan work and part of the plan requires support
2) I was disappointed in her because: a) She was surprised when I told her I wanted to lose weight b) She was dismissive of my goal
3) As a trainer, I expected positive support and willingness to work with me and my new plan in order to meet my goal
4) I was cancelling this week's sessions because I wanted to get the plan down before returning to the gym. Since I was not going to see her, I would use the regimen in the book.

We'll see what changes come next week.

Et Voila!

The Peace Corps app has been submitted. Now to get my reco writers to send in their recos....

My former manager just left the company, so I'm not sure what's going on with him. I'll call him and check on that.

My friend has been in the midst of job searching and is working the kinks out of an offer. She started the reco on 7/12.

My former volunteer supervisior just got her reco stuff today. I called her beforehand and cleared it with her.

What a load gone.

Non Sequitir: If you cut fresh garlic before you cut dried apricots and FORGET to clean the knife in between - you get garlic infused apricots. Not so nice when they are used in a snack mix with walnuts and cereal.