The Two Coreys

I'm sitting here watching A&E's new reality show "The Two Coreys". Yet another hot mess. Although, this one is a sentimental hot mess. I was a huge Corey Haim fan. Not so much of the Feldman.

I think the only real line uttered so far was by Corey Haim "I'm riding the pony". Hmmm...

I'm not sure if it's the heat, lack of suitable male companionship or sentimental factors dredged up by the show and the focus on the 20th anniversary of "Lost Boys"- but I might break Corey Haim off a piece. Then again, maybe not.

D'oh

Saw the movie. It was good...like the show was about 10 years ago. I went with a friend who stopped watching in 1998. She was laughing her head off... Spiderpig was even better in context.

If you are a fan, go. If you were a fan but haven't watched it in 10 years, go.

And if you do go, stay through the credits.

Mo'nique - my friend, my nemesis

Mo'nique is a interesting character. On one hand, she works to empower big chicks...the whole fat is fabulous and embrace your curves type stuff. She's right, you gotta love yourself. For her latest F.A.T contest, she had a section where the women were nekkid and covered with body paint. It was beautiful. I was really inspired by it...I want to get nekkid and get painted and then have portraits done.

On the other hand, she furthers the stereotype as the big woman as an unhealthy eater and someone who doesn't exercise. She went to Paris and looked for a FRIED CHICKEN JOINT. To add insult to injury,she asked the guys who worked at the joint what they recommended for a fat girl. Yes, she did.

But back to Mo'nique my friend - at Steve and Barry's, they sell a t-shirt that says "I (heart) Me". Interestingly enough, that's the only shirt that wasn't selling...in any size. I found that to be really sad. Women are willing to wear all kinds of ish on their chest, but weren't willing to wear something to express their love for themselves. Even though they had the shirt in my size, I too decided against it. Cost wasn't issue, it was $7.50....but I couldn't imagine walking down the street making that proclamation. Here are some random thoughts that went through my head:
1) People will look at me funny.
2) People will misinterpret the message (i.e. I'm high maintenance, I'm egotistic)
3) Yeah, like I really want that across my big ass titties
4) I'm 33 years old - too grown for silly message tees

#4 is valid...so I've decided against the shirt. However, I will do a better job of living the motto - no matter what my size.

In through the nose...out through the mouth

Things have been going at breakneck pace recently & I haven't had much time to post.

Still going along the road that leads 2 both paths...haven't hit the fork in the road yet.

I've had one interview for Path B...the one for Path A is soon.

Path B interview went well. I'm guessing that I did better than I think I did. I always beat myself up after these things and in the end they turn out for the best. So, I've resolved not to beat myself up with the "Why didn't I say this?" or "I should have phrased it like that." Kinda strange not beating myself up at this point, but definitely feels a lot better.

Path A is going cool too. I mailed off all of the papers, or so I thought. This morning I found a really important part of the application. Gotta mail it tomorrow. Again, not beating myself up for this. Things work out for the best in the end.

Guess today is a test of faith day. In the end, I know that God's best will be what I end up with, I just gotta keep doing my part and believing.

Proceeding down the path

Things are moving forward in a good way...too much to tell right now. Gotta get back to makin' it happen.

One step closer...

I opened my front door this morning and there was a packet from the Peace Corps! My pre-interview packet from the Peace Corps. I've got to submit fingerprints and all of that jazz. I'll call on Monday to schedule the interview.

In preparation for my getting out of this burg, I've started the pre-packing purge phase. Waiting until I receive marching orders will be too late. Since I'm in a waiting time, I figure it might as well be useful.

After yesterday's kick in the ovaries, I was feeling pretty down. Some words from Rev. Run put it all in perspective.

Word Of The Day (WHOLEHEARTED WORK)
Good morning, God allows situations in your work and life that will make no sense to your dreams - aspirations that you thought had come from him. Nevertheless, God instructs you to carry on as if working for him, rather than dwelling on your circumstances. That is because it is through those situations that he becomes your central focus, and you learn to cling to him above all other things - including your ambitions. Today, take heart that as long as you serve God, you are doing exactly as you are supposed to. Even if you lack work, he has assignments for you to accomplish. Someday soon, he will restore your dreams in a powerful way.

Word Of The Day (Always Thankful)
Good afternoon. The moment you permit your mind to dwell with dissatisfaction, you begin to lose ground.

SUPER FUCK!

I was just denied individual health insurance by Humana. Why? Because I am fat. That's the sole reason that I was denied.

If I want health insurance with Humana, I can cough up $400/month for COBRA (versus $130 for the individual plan) or I can beg them for coverage by sending in a letter stating that I am a healthy fat chick (of course I'll need to include my latest blood test/physical results and a copy of my gym attendance).

Called United. It's the same thing. I'm too fat to be insured on my own....COBRA it is.

FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.

We say tomato, They say steak

Beauty is a cultural thing. I found this article on the BBC news website about the fattening rooms of Calabar. Basically it's a spa where women go to get good and juicy before they get married. You eat, sleep, eat, sleep and then eat some more. When you're nice and plump (and no longer an embarrssment to your husband) you go home.

The first time I went to Ghana (age 20), men would come up to me and say "Oh you are sooo fat." I was so embarrassed. I had no idea that this was the equivalent of "You are a sexy goddess." When someone was kind enough to clue me in to this, it was still felt really wierd. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that one plane ride would take me from pariah to object of desire.

With time, I realized that I am a sexy beast wherever I am. It doesn't center so much on what the culture thinks of my body shape/size, but on how I think of myself. When I was 60lbs lighter, I was not as sexy as I am now. My body may have been smaller and my skirts shorter, but I had zero confidence.

10 years later, I have the confidence and the body I want is on its way.

Ole School Drama

Since I'm still waiting for info from the Peace Corps...I'll blog about my latest indulgence.

FOOTBALLER'S WIVES is the mutha-freakin' show!! Last night there was a vintage Dynasty-style fight between Eva (Joan Collins' character) and Tanya (on the left, Tanya is supposed to be about 1/2 Eva's age). Eva kicked Tanya's ass!

Here's the backstory:

-Eva has a hot lover named Paolo who is about 1/4 of her age. Paolo is a soccer phenom who has been picked up by the team that Tanya part owns.

-Paolo meets Tanya on the plane. He's attracted to Tanya. Tanya is attracted to him.

-Eva ain't havin' it and tries to spoil it at every turn. Turns out Eva has some really wierd hold over Paolo. When she finds Tanya and Paolo doing the nasty - she does some wierd mental ish on Paolo in front of Tanya.

- Tanya does some investigative research and finds that Paolo is actually Eva's adopted son.

- When she confronts Eva, Paolo overhears and decides that he wants his freedom so he tells Eva he's leaving her.

- Eva goes ape and knocks Paolo out with a garden tool. She then proceeds to strangle Tanya within an inch of her life.

- Paolo comes to, pulls Eva off of Tanya and Paolo and Tanya leave together.

- Cut to the end of the show and it turns out that Paolo is not Eva's only lover/son.

That's just one story...don't even get me started on the team captain, his wife and her female lover. Or the woman who went crazy while trying to drive her husband's murderer crazy. Or the mother who faked terminal cancer to keep her son from moving in with some girl (didn't work - he moved in with her...now the mom is faking a trip to Lourdes to get "healed" while in truth she's going on vacation to Malaga).

This ish is old school drama. The kind of stuff that you watch with your mouth open.

What makes it even better is the undercurrent of supremely tacky that runs through this show. Bad weaves, way way way too long Lee Press On Nails and a confusing amount of bedazzled garments coupled with some really bad acting by Phina Oruche...it's so much fun.

In a moment of weakness, I was convinced that I did not have the wherewithal to lose weight. So I sought salvation in the form of a trainer. I signed a ridiculous AND expensive 12 month contract...so I'm kinda stuck with it until I move.

Today, my trainer blew my mind. I was telling her about "YOU on a Diet".

Here are some highlights from the conversation:
Me:"It's a whole life change. Something that I can stick to while losing the weight and once I reach my goal."
Her (confused): "You want to lose weight"
Me: "Yes" Her: "What's your goal weight?"
Me: "Well, I'm not sure what the weight is, but I do know the size. That's something I like about this program is that it deals with waist sizes. I'm currently 46.5" and I would like to get to around 31" "
Her: "That's a big goal."
Me:"It's not like I'm trying to make it happen tomorrow."
Her: "So what's this diet like?"
Me: "It's not really a diet, it's more of a lifestyle plan...."
Her (interrupting and dismissive): "Diet means the way that you eat. So if you ate fatty food all day, that would be your diet"

You get the gist of the conversation.


I've been putting up with her ish for way too long. As I was on the treadmill, it hit me that I was acting powerless. So I summoned up some ovicular fortitude and made some decisions.

After my cardio I left her a note letting her know that
1) I want to make the new plan work and part of the plan requires support
2) I was disappointed in her because: a) She was surprised when I told her I wanted to lose weight b) She was dismissive of my goal
3) As a trainer, I expected positive support and willingness to work with me and my new plan in order to meet my goal
4) I was cancelling this week's sessions because I wanted to get the plan down before returning to the gym. Since I was not going to see her, I would use the regimen in the book.

We'll see what changes come next week.

Et Voila!

The Peace Corps app has been submitted. Now to get my reco writers to send in their recos....

My former manager just left the company, so I'm not sure what's going on with him. I'll call him and check on that.

My friend has been in the midst of job searching and is working the kinks out of an offer. She started the reco on 7/12.

My former volunteer supervisior just got her reco stuff today. I called her beforehand and cleared it with her.

What a load gone.

Non Sequitir: If you cut fresh garlic before you cut dried apricots and FORGET to clean the knife in between - you get garlic infused apricots. Not so nice when they are used in a snack mix with walnuts and cereal.

On the path

Non-sequitir #1: Beulah forgot to do the wash and now the only clothes that I can roll out in today are workout clothes. There's a lot to do today and clothes washing will have to wait for this evening.

Non-sequitir #2: As I have gotten older, I have gotten more hirsuite. Used to be I only had to shave my legs once every month to get that smooth feeling. I hit 32 and it became once every week. I thought I would head it off at the pass by using VEET....my follicles laughed. Now I have serious stubble and that ain't fab.

Non-sequitir #3: Moni has to get a team together for VH1 World Series of Trivia. I answered so many questions it was a shame. My favorite answer -"Da Butt" by EU. My attempt to recall my favorite quote "Of course I knew it was Lou Gossset, Jr. My blackness wouldn't allow otherwise."

I have been working on the next step in life. Peace Corps app is coming along. One essay left to go. I placed my Marketing resume on Monster and Career Builder - plenty of hits coming my way. As I field these offers, I realise that I could move to a big city, do the marketing thing by day and volunteer in my me time. That allows me to continue to build my resume (prepping me for a director position in a non-profit), build my finances, live a life AND give back to the community. That may be the preferred path...

Hot Ghetto Mess

Sometimes, us'en are so full of ish.

How do we solve problems in the African-American community? Have a website that celebrates our ish under the guise of giving us a venue to wash our dirty laundry.

So what happens? BET picks it up as a show. Now, do you really think whack ass BET is going to frame this as a political show that points out the flaws and has a serious discussion about the socio-economic issues that led to the place where we think that this is okay behavior? To quote Ms. Whit "Hell to the naw!"

Chris Murphy is the host.

I was partially joking when I made the comment about the slippery slope to Mantan...who knew we would make it here so quickly.

If you're not familiar, I'm not going to help you out...you gotta find it on your own.

The truth shall set you free

I had a conversation with one of my "tolerators" this morning. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I wasn't rude or disrespectful - I simply pointed out that this was a good time in my life for me to do what I wanted to do and I am not jumping in blind. I got a good response and we're now all on the same page.

Enough of the emotional stuff...

Found some possibilities in Brooklyn and Manhattan with a group that connects non-profits and marketing professionals There are 2 positions open, not sure which one to go for yet. A quote keeps resurfacing in my mind "Let your reach exceed your grasp, or what's a heaven for?" That's pushing me towards the UrbanChick does NYC ?!? That would be a nice change of pace - the ultimate urban experience.

I talked with the New York office and have decided on the position to apply for...I've chosen the one where I can make the greatest impact right now.

Still have not given up on the Peace Corps...so no worries about that

Once again, back is the incredible...

Yeah, it's been a good minute since I've written something. Life has been interesting to say the least. The NMF have come and gone. The Peace Corps app is almost finished. I've found some other opportunities that are more inline with me....so far, so good.

I learned a lesson from NMF#2 - she is small for her age, but that doesn't stop her from doing anything. At the playground, she climbs the highest slides and chooses the most difficult railings. In general, she lives her life by this philosophy "Not only do I have a right to be here, I am going to exercise that right. I am going to enjoy myself while I am here and your issues are not going to stop me."

Turns out some folks who "supported" me are growing weary of me and seem now to be "tolerating my whims". They have been not so subtlely hinting that I quit messing around with Peace Corps/ other things that would allow me to leverage my passion to make a difference in the world (and pay me a salary) to jump back into the corporate sector to pimp whatever comes my way. At the end of the day, it seems that they are overly concerned about me making mo' money, mo' money, mo' money. The idea of living your passion instead of milking a cash cow seems to be rather foreign.

Thankfully, I also have folks who support me that really support me. As my sistafriend Kelle told me, "You take opportunities when they come, you make decisions about grabbing all life has to offer....that's you. {Names ommitted} live a different life in a different way. Be true to you."

At the beginning of this whole adventure...Monica the great gave me this advice "Don't let other people's ish become your ish".

So I press on keeping the lesson of NMF#2, the words of Kelle and the advice of Moni close to my heart.

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Here's the pictorial review of the Makina Loca concert. Just in case you can't see it in my face; AWESOME.